Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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