You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
