"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
