She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
