the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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