why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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