i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
