Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
