you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
