The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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