Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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