Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
