I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
