I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
