I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We left the knife in your bed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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