Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
