I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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