I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
