he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The air was thick with penises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
