ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
