After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
