We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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