oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
