Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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