Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
