Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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