What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
