I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
