I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
