i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
