he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize