So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need moral support for this bender
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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