I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
