First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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