What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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