He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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