so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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