so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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