The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
