thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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