I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
