Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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