Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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