Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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