This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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