We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
