did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
