Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
