My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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