Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize