people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize