Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
