I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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