butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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