Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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