I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
