either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I could make wine with my vomit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
