who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
