Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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