I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
