Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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