That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
