Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
