He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
