I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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