I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize