is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
