They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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