oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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