I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
