Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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