Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I believe in your delicious
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
